Loss

Before this, I didn't know it was possible to feel pain and numbness at the same time.
Yesterday I found out my church is closing its doors.
We're a satellite campus of a large church in my hometown. The church that I grew up in.
I came to the Stillwater campus with every intention of visiting once and then moving on to try something else.
That didn't happen.
I attended for a semester before becoming actively involved. When the children's department changed its style, I signed on to teach fourth grade girls.
When my freshman year ended and I moved back home, I commuted every Sunday back to Stillwater to continue teaching and attending. That time was such a blessing. I grew closer to many of the members and loved to serve them.
There was talk of shutting the church's doors in August, but God wasn't done with us as a church quite yet. I'm so grateful He gave us that final semester. In that time I was able to attend a college study on Thursday nights and a woman's study on Mondays. Both of those were sweet times of study and fellowship and I always looked forward to them.
The news was a shock to say the least. This church was a home. It's people a family. Brothers and sisters in Christ who welcomed a slightly bizarre college student with a desire to serve with open arms.
Next Sunday is our final meeting. After that, the future is uncertain. I don't know where I'll attend. I do know one thing for certain: Leaving the Church is not a question. It's people are too dear to me and I can't ignore the commands of my Father.
I know I will still see the members. It may not be weekly, but we will make efforts to spend time together. I'd offer to host something, but I don't think we'd all fit in my dorm room...
God is in control. As mom pointed out yesterday, none of this is a surprise to Him. He's got a plan that extends so far beyond our human understanding. And though we are not skilled to understand what God has willed, what God has planned, our comfort comes from knowing at His right hand, stands one who is our Savior.
It's hard. But like a shepherd carries and cares for his sheep, Isaiah 40:11 assures us that God, our shepherd, will do the same for us.